I don’t generally have a problem with spiders. I don’t even get that upset at the odd spider bite now and then. But when some asshole arachnid sinks its fangs into my armpit — well, that’s war baby. I hate that fucking spider so much that I had to write a fib about it.

Hot,
Damp,
Unbathed.
My armpits
Are not a plaything.
May you die in a hairy hell.