Discordian Research Technology

Vices are those acts by which a man harms himself or his property.

Crimes are those acts by which one man harms the person or property of another.

Vices are simply the errors which a man makes in his search after his own happiness. Unlike crimes, they imply no malice toward others, and no interference with their persons or property.

In vices, the very essence of crime - that is, the design to injure the person or property of another - is wanting.

The Daily Growler has the rest.

From Wood’s Lot

It was a long distance relationship at first. I found her address in the guest book of the bed and breakfast. The confidence of leaving a full address impressed me. She lived in the same town as my oldest cousin. I wrote her out of the blue and told her that and how much I admired someone who took such chances. They’d gone to school together, she wrote back, grades apart. She had really liked him, albeit at the distance enforced by grade levels. He always was a nice guy. I thanked him silently as I put her letter in my desk drawer.

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Mike Brown, who discovered Eris, and his graduate student Emily Schaller, say the data confirms Eris weighs 16.6 billion trillion kilograms. They know this because of the time it takes Eris’s moon, Dysnomia, to complete an orbit.

“This was Pluto’s last chance to be the biggest thing found so far in the Kuiper belt,” says Brown, a professor of planetary astronomy at the California Institute of Technology. “There was a possibility that Pluto and Eris were roughly the same size, but these new results show that it’s second place at best for Pluto.”

Sorry, Pluto. All Hail Eris! But how did She win this contest?

Pluto and Eris are essentially twins — except that Eris is slightly the pudgier of the two,” says Brown.

“And a little colder,” adds Schaller.

By being a fat, cold bitch. Well, you take what you can get.

I wish I’d found this earlier. It would have saved me hours of explaining it to people, and would save the people from having to try to make sense of my mangled arguments and mostly-remembered facts. But then, where’s the fun in that?