Discordian Research Technology

Dedicated to the Tigress and Our Lady


Today is Bureaucracy 27, 3176

Eris Says:
If you think the problem's bad now, wait until we've solved it.
Bureaucracy 37, 3173

Lake Update

Remember that lake the Russians found under Antarctica a decade or so ago? Damn Interesting gives us an update. It remains prinstine and untouched until scientists can figure out a way to get a robot in there, so we don’t know if it contains life (and if so, of what sort.) But there’s lots of clues.

The environment is remarkably similar to the dark and cold ocean below the surface of Jupiter’s ice moon Europa, so the discovery of life in Vostok could have interesting extraterrestrial implications. Due to the cold, the complete absence of sunlight, and the toxic levels of oxygen, many scientists are certain that Lake Vostok is sterile. That, however, would be a scientific first, since never before has a completely lifeless body of water been found on Earth.

Silly people. There’s life there. The only question is: can Dr. Hall stop the nuclear bomb from spreading it across the face of the globe and killing everybody?

President Peers People Playing Pocket Pool

Your money will soon contain hundreds of thousands of tiny lenses. All the better to see you by.

To many this may seem an innocent, and even entertaining, new feature — not unlike the lenticular “Winkin’ Lincoln” that I have on good authority will be included on the new $5 bills that will be revealed Sept. 20 — but paranoids will recognize it for what it really is: a compound eye!

Mr. Zapato has good sources — the Winkin’ Lincoln was supposed to be a surprise. When we divvied up the denominations at the Money Control Summit of the League of Interstellar Conspiracies, Discordians won the bid for the $5 bill. The Winkin’ Lincoln is our work, but now that the surprise is spoiled we’ll have to do something else. Thanks a bunch, Lyle. No, the old, cranky, boring owl worshippers got the C-note.

One might think that this spy bill technology would first be used on $1 bills, since they’re more common and already feature the all-seeing eye of the NWO on the back. But $100 bills are the more perversely logical choice for the NWO since they have Benjamin Franklin on them.

Poor Ben, getting used by T.H.E.M. once more. We join ZPi in solidarity with this demand: Just let the guy rest already.

|
The Cynic Kicks Ass. Get Your Ass Kicked Here.