Discordian Research Technology

As explained by a Japanese bar rat.

It’s a compelling story. As I understand it, the sempiternally graduating class of the MLA (the Maybe Logic Association) made a field trip to a bar, in Japan, where a kindly rat helped them understand… something. I’m not really sure, but he’s a very good rat and that has to count for something.

Philosophers have long pondered the Great Question. They’ve pondered it, erm, ponderously and deeply, as only philosophers can, bless their hearts. But for some reason, they routinely sneer at exegeses provided by the Sage Carlin, they smile with fatheaded indulgence when implored to keep the lasagna flying and they quack learnedly about returning agency to the inanimate. Fools! The inanimate has no need for agency. By grace of Eris, it has perversity:

Flagle’s Law of the Perversity of Inanimate Objects

Any inanimate object may be expected at any time to behave in a manner that is entirely unexpected and totally unpredictable for reasons which are completely unknown or thoroughly obscure.

Anyway, it’s tempting to despair of ever banging sense in their thick yet egg-fragile heads. Let their obduracy be their punishment, wash our hands of them and wish them the very best, with the digitus impudicus raised as a token of respectful farewell. But one last effort can’t hurt. And so, a song to help them.