Literary Vigilantism: Urine Trouble Now

Jugs of urine

Available in bulk

99 Bottles of Pee on the Wall” is an exciting and touching tale of retributive jaking that might make you pee your pants. This is a jake doing what a great jake should do: bringing enlightenment to every person it touches.

The more you do something—even something a bit weird and aberrant—the more normal it becomes to you. Nudists know this, as do bulimics, self-cutters, compulsive hand-washers, scratch-off lottery addicts, and people who masturbate while driving on the interstate. Peter walked in on me a few times backstage, caught me peeing into a bottle, and hissed, “That’s fucking sick, dude,” and I always thought he was the one being unreasonable.

Stop Drinking Bottled Water

No bottled waterIt has long been the stance of the BBC (No Relation) that bottled water is to be forsaken as an affront to Our Lady Eris, as it is taking one of the most potent Eristic forces and confining it in a prison of Anerism. It takes a wild, primal force, strips it of life and energy, and turns it into a factory-made product, convenient for labeling, shipping, and charging an insane markup for. However, there are plenty of other reasons to avoid bottled water, ranging from your personal health through the health of the economy and the planet itself. (Fun fact: did you know that it takes 3 gallons of drinkable water to produce 1 gallon of bottled water? And they call us crazy.) Alissa Walker gives us yet another reason, perhaps the most basic reason of all:

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Eris Goes to Grade School

When my daughter was a young child, she brought this piece of schoolwork home:

The Original SnubYou can imagine my surprise and delight! She explained that the class put together a mock newspaper, and every kid wrote a piece for it. This was hers. She didn’t choose the topic herself — It was assigned to her.

Eris truly comes to each of us in Her own time and Her own way. Also, the effort to insert Discordian operatives into our nation’s grade schools has progressed even further than I had previously thought.