Trap Your Voice in a Bottle

Whisky bottle

You’ll probably want some friends to help you empty the bottle.

Summer is almost here, and it’s time to start preparing for summertime fun. We here at The BBC (No Relation) want to help. Let’s start with a cool beach toy that you can make. This requires little money, little work, and little skill, which is particularly important if you’re intending to make a bunch of them for a series of jakes (or a single complicated one) or just want a lot of fun for a little effort.

The eMessage in a Bottle is an easy project for the beginner circuit enthusiast. It clearly came about from me wanting to put my voice in a bottle. Remember as a kid you tried yelling into a bottle, closing it quickly, and then opening it near your ear only to be disappointed with sounds of the ocean. No longer!

A scroll-filled bottle that plays audio of your choice when uncorked. The possibilities are endless.

(Image by Ryan Hyde)

Our Whollydays

As Project Restore Our Old Content approaches completion, we would like to announce another addition. This is a list of the whollydays (or holydays, or holidays, as you prefer) that are celebrated by the members of The Barry Bittwister Cabal. The Accepted Whollydays change slowly over time as our tastes and preferences change, but you can always see what we’re celebrating here.

Literary Vigilantism: Urine Trouble Now

Jugs of urine

Available in bulk

99 Bottles of Pee on the Wall” is an exciting and touching tale of retributive jaking that might make you pee your pants. This is a jake doing what a great jake should do: bringing enlightenment to every person it touches.

The more you do something—even something a bit weird and aberrant—the more normal it becomes to you. Nudists know this, as do bulimics, self-cutters, compulsive hand-washers, scratch-off lottery addicts, and people who masturbate while driving on the interstate. Peter walked in on me a few times backstage, caught me peeing into a bottle, and hissed, “That’s fucking sick, dude,” and I always thought he was the one being unreasonable.

Stop Drinking Bottled Water

No bottled waterIt has long been the stance of the BBC (No Relation) that bottled water is to be forsaken as an affront to Our Lady Eris, as it is taking one of the most potent Eristic forces and confining it in a prison of Anerism. It takes a wild, primal force, strips it of life and energy, and turns it into a factory-made product, convenient for labeling, shipping, and charging an insane markup for. However, there are plenty of other reasons to avoid bottled water, ranging from your personal health through the health of the economy and the planet itself. (Fun fact: did you know that it takes 3 gallons of drinkable water to produce 1 gallon of bottled water? And they call us crazy.) Alissa Walker gives us yet another reason, perhaps the most basic reason of all:

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