That’s Why It’s Called Magnetism, I Suppose

Sorta like her. But with more clothes and less mask.

Sorta like her. But with more clothes and less mask.

At almost seven feet tall, the woman was both imposing and drop-dead gorgeous. She reminded me of a greyhound. I mean that in a good way: sleek, athletic, with a sharp and intelligent face. In fact, she looked exactly like your standard runway model, an impression enhanced by the drab surroundings of a low-rent laundromat. She was stunning, and that’s why I felt a little sorry for her.

At first, I was amused. This was apparently men’s day at the laundromat, and she was outnumbered a half-dozen to one. They formed a loose cloud of planetoids, randomly orbiting the heavenly body that simply didn’t belong there, captured in the gravitational pull of her beauty. Continue Reading →

The Trippiest Poops

LSD training toilet

Don’t fear the throne

LSD and defecation seem to go together like spaghetti and meatballs. It’s not hard to find tons of stories, questions, and random crazy talk about the combination. There’s just something about indulging in a dramatic, purely physical and instinctive activity when you are in a state of mind to discover the deep spirituality of it.

(Special note: acid is not required in order to experience the deep spirituality of pooping. It is an inherently enlightening activity. We just forget because we do it so often, and if there’s one thing that acid does better than anything else, it’s making us notice the magic we’ve become blind to.)

We’ve selected a few special acid-poop items that are particularly educational.

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Literary Vigilantism: Urine Trouble Now

Jugs of urine

Available in bulk

99 Bottles of Pee on the Wall” is an exciting and touching tale of retributive jaking that might make you pee your pants. This is a jake doing what a great jake should do: bringing enlightenment to every person it touches.

The more you do something—even something a bit weird and aberrant—the more normal it becomes to you. Nudists know this, as do bulimics, self-cutters, compulsive hand-washers, scratch-off lottery addicts, and people who masturbate while driving on the interstate. Peter walked in on me a few times backstage, caught me peeing into a bottle, and hissed, “That’s fucking sick, dude,” and I always thought he was the one being unreasonable.