The Law of Fives – Proved!

(Rescued from The Cabal of the One True Marshmallow)

PROOF!!!

The Law of Fives is so obviously true that you should have already realized it (note; this is similar reasoning to that used by Thomas Aquinas when he explained why people who had never heard of Jesus could still be damned). However, we will prove the law of fives here anyways.

  1. Descartes, famed philosopher who thought that he could prove the existence of God, was invited go and tutor the 23 year old Queen of Scandanavia. The rigors of the cold climat and the fact that she demanded that the lessons began at 5 am eventually caused him to succumb to pnemonia and die. Recently, evidence has come to light that Decartes might not have been killed by natural causes. Some suspect that he was killed by arsenic poisoning.
  2. The fifth letter of the alphabet is ‘e’. ‘Eris’ begins with an ‘e’.
  3. The twenty-third letter of the alphabet is ‘w’. ‘W’ is made up of four lines and has five points. ‘W’ is also noted for its participation in the five main journalistic questions: Who? What? Where? Why? When?
  4. Humans are generally born with five fingers on each hand, five toes on each foot and five extentions to each trunk (head, arm, arm, leg, leg).
  5. Fnord.
  6. Most people are right handed. There are five letters in the word ‘right’
  7. Date: Tue, 28 Jan 1997 09:49:40 -0400 (AST)
    From: Lady K.
    To: snowmit
    Subject: more wrong stuff
    
    Notes from the proofreader's desk -
    
    (nice proofs, by the way)
    In your proofs, however, we have discovered 5 (!) mistakes.
    
    In Proof #1 - "climate" and "pneumonia"
             #3 - "journalistic"
             #4 - "extensions"
             #5 - "pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosis"
    
    (yes, that is a real word, the longest one in English to be specific)
    (It's a disease of the lungs)
    -----------------------------------------------------------------------------
      * */\   *   * *     *  *    * |Lady Kutenay|     *  *      *     */\ *
    *  */  \*   *    * /\*     *   *  *     /\ *   *   /\  *  *     /\*/  \ *
     * /    \*/\ * *  /  \/\* *  /\  *   * /  \  *   */  \*  *    */  \    \/\
    * /      \  \  * /    \ \* */  \   */\/    \ */\*/    \*/\  * /    \    \
    -------------------------------------------------------------------------------
    
  8. In Star Wars, Luke is identified as “Red Five” when he flies the X-Wing.
  9. Email –E and five letters.
  10. And it goes on like this.

We aren’t making this up! You can’t make up stuff like this! Its all true! Everything is true!!