A Discordian Tithing Ritual
To be performed every payday, or whenever it seems unnecessary.
- Obtain five crisp, new one dollar bills.
- Affix an official-looking Erisian seal to each bill, using a rubber stamp or any other suitable means. If you’re particularly lazy, feel free to use The Billstamping Kit.
- Select five people at random out of your telephone book. Only accept those faithful who have listed a mailing address, not those damn sinners who leave it unlisted.
- Mail one bill to each person, enclosing it with this letter, printed on your cabal’s official letterhead:
We are writing to inform you that we have been monitoring you and feel that you have reached a point of eligibility for entrance into our organization. Enclosed you will find a $1.00 bill with our seal of initiation. Keep it with you at all times.
Soon an agent of ours will approach you and give you the activation phrase “Did you see the moon last night?” Upon hearing this phrase, you are required to present the stamped bill and respond with “It was pointing to the sun.”
Failure to produce the stamped bill or return the appropriate phrase will end your eligibility for admission.
This exercise is the final test to determine your cognitive ability to hold an idea and remain ready to respond over an undetermined period of time.
You will be contacted when you are least expecting it. Any questions you have will be answered once you have successfully gained entrance into the organization.
- We suggest that you get in the habit of using the activation phrase publicly at every opportunity. Eris just might have a present for you.
This ritual leverages the profound power of money to sow eristic seeds into the population. Even if the recipient ignores the letter and spends the dollar, the markings on the bill will continue to radiate eristic vibrations on their own. You can’t lose.
(The Random Initiation Project wasn’t thought up by us. We found it on the wonderful neuroatomic.com site. Unfortunately, that site is no more so we reproduced it here for posterity.)